Ugh I had a really long and in depth dream last night.
I should've blogged earlier, I don't know if I can remember it all.
Okay. So I was in this strange building. It felt kind of like a school but I knew that it wasn't. Anyway, I don't remember why I was there, but I was there with this small group of people. They were all around my age but I didn't know anyone. I think we were initially there to leeeeearn about something. Like a seminar or something.
Skipping ahead, I somehow got pregnant. But it felt like it was at the wrong time. I don't think it was my baby. But then there was still this embarrassment about it, so I'm not really sure if I was just carrying the baby for someone like a surrogate or if it was actually mine. But either way, I didn't know who I was carrying it for, or who the father would've been.
So then somehow I was looking online at myspace with Mat sitting next to me on a couch, and he had posted a bulletin saying something about how I was gonna have these babies soon and said something like, "congratulations to claire for baby __(I don't remember the first name!) and baby everett!" Apparantly I wanted to name my kids that so I was like "Mat how did you know that's what I wanted to name them!" Then I hugged him and said something about him being my best friend.
So I think the dream actually skipped ahead to me saying I was about to give birth and saying I need to go to the hospital and someone has to take me. So I was waiting on this long bed with a bunch of other women lined up, all in that position with legs spread and laying down. Everyone was in maaajor pain. I saw the woman in front of me and she was having really intense contractions, and I was just lying there and I wasn't feeling anything. I kind of started to fake it and pretend like I was, because I felt like there was something wrong because I wasn't having one. While I was lying there a bunch of my relatives started coming to the hospital, like my Aunt Jean I remember, and my Grandpa, and my Uncle Chris whom I was really surprised about because he lives in California. I was pretty happy that everyone was coming but I thought it was kind of weird because during this point I was pretty sure it wasn't my baby and I was just a surrogate.
So after all these people came, I've been lying there for a long time and I still had no contractions. I decided that I wasn't really ready and I got up and started walking around. It skipped ahead to me being in a grocery store or something in an aisle, standing next to my mom and Craig. My mom was doing something and I was standing close to Craig. I bumped into him and he put his arm around my waist. It felt really nice, but at the same time it felt weird, partially because my mom was there, but also because it felt very forced. I don't think he was happy or that he knew how to react to what was going on with me being pregnant. I think that he thought that maybe it was my baby. I kind of pulled away after that because I could feel how uncomfortable it was.
Then I came back to the hospital, and no one really cared that I left. I laid back down on that table and then it was my turn to go up. They were telling me that they needed to inject the babies into my thighs, and let them grow a bit. Then once they would get a little bigger, I would have to push them up into my uterus. I thought this sounded kind of weird and I was almost wondering how that even made sense, but I just accepted it and said okay. So they took me into this larger room that all my family went into. Craig couldn't come in because he wasn't family and I saw him outside of the room when I was coming in. I was kind of sad because I could tell that he wanted to come in and share the experience.
The room was a sterile hospital room but it was huge. When you walked into the room, it had an upwards slant to the left of you. There was a hospital bed almost in the center. It was more like the lower right. All on the left side was a railing where people would watch from the other side. So then, they injected it into my legs and then we were waiting. Then I started to think, why am I here to give birth if they just injected the babies right now. So I started worrying and panicking that the babies were going to be hurt or killed because I wasn't ready and I didn't know what I was doing.
Four Eyed Monsters. They're selling it at Borders now. It comes with a cd of the music that's in the movie and the episodes. I love it. I've listened to tracks 1-7 so far. I dig it SO MUCH.
I love this movie. I love the creators. It's. So. GOOD.
If you haven't heard of it, go to www.foureyedmonsters.com. It's one of my favorite movies. And it's true, so that's just the icing on the cake.
It's about a boy and a girl who met eachother online, and decided not to speak to eachother when they met and instead communicate only through artistic mediums. I loved watching the videos on youtube of reactions of some people who saw it. It made me cry, watching how it really moved them too. This is actually the second time I bought the dvd, but I'm giving the first dvd to my sister because she really liked it and I'm sure she'd dig having one
I like chocolate milk. Not the kind you buy in a store premade. That's terrible.
2% milk, hershey's chocolate syrup.
nomnomnom
I had a dream.
A little bit of background on this before I get started. I used to hang out with this guy, and there was a small period of time when I hung out with him for days in a row. And then he got very "busy", couldn't hang out anymore, and now apparantly he's too busy to even talk to me. I used to sit right next to him in one of my classes and he wouldn't say a word.
So anyway. I was in this house, and I think it was during the tail end of a party. But it wasn't a real party, more of a get together. I don't know why I was there, because I barely knew anyone. It was kind of dark because it was pretty late in the night. I was really tired so I was laying down on a bed. Apparantly, he was right next to me laying down too. I don't think I noticed him at the beginning because he wasn't talking to me. And he still wasn't talking to me even after I noticed him and he noticed me.
After awhile he gave me this handwritten letter. The paper was written on horizontally. The entire sheet was filled up with his writing, and it just looked like he wrote down his thought process of what he was trying to say. A lot of things were crossed out and it looked really rough. It was kind of like what it would be if he were actually talking out loud to me. What it basically said was him asking me to go to his grad party that was tonight. This made me ridiculously happy, and I started talking out loud to him and trying to start a conversation. I told him I'll try to go and I'm sure I'm not busy tonight. He was talking back and laughing a bit, but after only a few minutes he got up and went into the bathroom without saying anything. He took off his shirt and it seemed like he was about to go to bed. I asked him if he was actually going to sleep, and he said yes.
I was really disappointed and sad. I really wanted to talk to him and have a conversation with him. Instead I only got to exchange small talk with him. But I tried to brush it off because he was just going to bed. I said to him that I was happy that he invited me, because I thought that he didn't want me in his life anymore.
And then I woke up.
Hello there.
I just got my hair cut today. Two inches shorter. Some major layers too.
I know what it looks like straight but not wavy. It's wet and up right now so we'll see in a few hours. I think I'm gonna like it though.
I'll get a picture up eventually. I really dig it from what I saw.
I just got some Death Cab tickets also. It's kind of awkward though because there were only single tickets left, so I'm with two other people, and none of us are sitting by eachother. Like, literally nowhere near eachother. We're all on the balcony but at opposite ends!
Hopefully that will still be fun...
I don't like these assigned seating concerts. I've never been to a concert that doesn't have any standing. Mostly because I don't go to expensive concerts that require assigned seating. This is like my first concert that's over $20 (excluding Warped Tour, because that's not so much of a concert, as a music festival!) Almost $50! It was 35, but then ticketmaster has those insane fees that jack up the price. I feel guilty spending that much, especially when I don't have a job.
There are so many other concerts I wanna go to this summer too. like uhh...The Age of Rockets and Annuals, then two music festivals, Warped Tour and Rock the Garden which has like, 3 of my favorite bands (The New Pornographers, Andrew Bird, and Cloud Cult!) I guess it really isn't that much. But considering I haven't been to a concert in a year or two, this is a lot haha. What sucks is that all the music is really chill except for Warped Tour. I want to go to a peppy concert that I can jump around and dance to! I have not been to one and actually gotten into it in SO long.
That's why I love The Matches, because they never disappointed me in their concerts. But they didn't tour here, they went everywhere else but here! God, I remember the first time I went to one of their concerts. They were touring with Plain White T's and I had no idea who they were. It was the Chain Me Away concert. Sonja burned me their cd, I listened to it, and I HATED it. It was not the kind of music I liked at the time, so I really didn't like it. But then the concert rolled around, we went, and they opened. Their performance totally changed my opinion about them. It was the most fun I've ever had in a concert. They got the entire audience INTO the concert. Oh it was so fun. That venue is closed now though. It was my favorite venue too. I miss it!
WOAH, I just googled the old club, and the first thing that came up was this. http://www.howwastheshow.com/index.cfm/action/reviews.view/reviewKey/473
THAT WAS THE FIRST SHOW I EVER WENT TO! It was on my birthday!!
I went shopping at Goodwill today. There are so many amazing things there.
PAR EXEMPLE!
My sister and I were walking around to the back of the store, and we were walking around the corner, and then we saw this. This gigantic picture of this cat.
My question is, who would even have this in the FIRST PLACE?!!?
It was only 6.99 too. That's even more amazing.
I kind of regret not buying it.
Just because.
We also found a bunch of old polaroid cameras.
It's so sad that the company is stopping production of those and the film. It really bums me out!
I loved polaroids. I still have a camera and I think theres still some film in it.
I better use it well );
I feel like there's a limit to how close I can get to somebody.
I feel like once I get close to someone, and I start really getting involved and, "emotonally invested", I guess, and I don't think they reciprocate that. I want to spend time with them, but they're always really busy because they have their own tightly knit group of friends.
It kind of feels like I missed the kickoff for life.
I realize that this could just be me being neurotic and paranoid.
But at the same time, if I'm the one always trying to get into contact with them or ask them to do something, it kind of is a little disenchanting when you're rejected for something repeatedly. Maybe people are just really incredibly busy, and I'm just not haha.
It feels like it's always a struggle. Like, I have to restrain myself from texting or iming them. Then I realize, wow, they probably won't try to contact me if I just stop. And then they don't. That's when it feels like it's not just me being neurotic.
But maybe I'm just picking the wrong people? Friends shouldn't make you feel like you have to be guarded and feel like you need self-control for speaking with them. I have a lot of friends whom I really enjoy talking to and I'm 100% sure they reciprocate that same feeling. But then there are other people who I feel as if our friendship isn't as needed to them as it is to me.
So what I mean when I say I think there's a limit, is that I think in order for me to not be depressed about people not caring enough to keep in contact on a daily basis, I just have to have more of a laid back approach to relationships.
I already have that demeanor though. So it would be kind of difficult to be even more laid back than I already am
I just came home from walking for like...two hours. I walked home from starbucks and it was kind of because I got into a tiny spat with my mother. That hasn't happened for awhile. But it was moreso just because I wanted to walk.
I mean of course it was only the suburbs. But it was still kind of fun. It felt kind of good being able to walk around wherever I wanted without having someone telling me where to go. But it was kind of weird because nobody walks here haha.
I wish I had my license already so I could go where I wanted like that, just in a shorter time span haha.
But it's my fault.
I waited a year to take drivers ed. Just because I was lazy though. Not even a real reason why I delayed it. BAD!
But anyway. I went from Starbucks, then to petsmart and met up with the cats and loved them up.
meowmeow. Her name was Jasmine, she was very cordial.
I went to Bath and Body Works after that because I had a giftcard and wasted $8 of the $15 on chapstick. How ridiculous is that. Chapstick is never worth EIGHT dollars haha.
Then I ventured over to Blockbuster to see if they were hiring. This was kind of big for me, because I've been meaning to do that for about 2 months. I walked in and I asked, "Hello, I was wondering if you guys are hiring by chance?" The guy was like, "No, not at this location." And that's all he said. So I was like, "uhh, well can I get an application anyway?" "You can just do it online."
It was a lame, anticlimatic way to end the walk.
I accepted it though.
I have an obsession with teeth.
Not necessarily perfect teeth.
Just good looking teeth.
When I look at someone it's one of the first things I notice.
What's up with that!
I wish people were more generous with their hugs.
They're something I really enjoy
And the end result is (usually) very satisfying.
Nice penis.... I mean finger. read more
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